wow..

I don't even know anymore...
I'm at a loss for words.. Why do I always have to be the one getting reprimanded for getting mad about the situation at hand? Others wouldn't reacted much worse..
And yet.. I had to feel guilty instead of.. U kno what? I can't even form sentences right now... I never thought I would have to experience what it is I did..

My guard is definitely back up.

wow... haven't written in this thing in a while.

a thought popped into my head and i wanted to write it down..
vent.. as usual

i really don't like people who feel/act like that they can never be wrong.
people make mistakes. shit happens.
OWN UP TO IT!
stop denying it.. when i make mistakes at work, i know that i fucked up and the only thing i can say to them is, "sorry"
of course, at work, saying sorry doesn't really fix the situation, but at least i don't deny the fact that i fucked up...
who cares if the boss is gonna yell at you.. it lasts for like 5 seconds!
just grin & bear those 5 seconds, and it'll be over before you know it.

i also don't like people who think i'm stupid.
i mean, it doesn't bother me that they think i'm something that i'm not (there are so many other things people think i am that i'm really not so i'm like immune to it)
but the thing that bothers me is that that person acts like she's soooo much smarter than me... please...
i see the way you live your life and i don't know what you have that makes you think you're so much better than other people...

my weird dream

i had the most weirdest dream ever..

of course i looked up all the symbols.. & i have some repressed anger going on or something..

Knife
To dream that you are carrying a knife, signifies anger, aggression and/or separation. There may be something in your life that you need to cut out and get rid of. Alternatively, the knife may be symbolic of something divisive in your life. You may be attempting to cut ties or sever some relationship.

Check
To see a check in your dream, suggests that you may feel indebted to others. The dream may also be a pun on checking things out.

Cut
To dream that you are cutting yourself, indicates that you are experiencing some overwhelming turmoil or problems in your waking life. You are trying to disconnect yourself from the unbearable pain you are experiencing.

Chase
To dream that you are chasing someone, signifies that you are attempting to overcome a difficult goal or task. You may also be expressing some aggressive feelings toward others.


hmm.. i don't know

I am soooo full right now! Stupid ā10 any topping pizzas from pizza hut :( didn't even work out today! Gotta be strict on my diet for this week. Weekend was real good. Got a new blackberry from my bf as an early anniversary gift. Got to shop for a ton of earrings. Today we went to venice which is always nice. Then went to ikea and bought some shit to fill our apartment with... Yay! Now he's working on building the 2 dressers with a couple of friends.. They've been workin on it for quite awhile now.. Haha

pet peeves

i haven't posted in a longggggg time
& i decided to post about pet peeves of mine!
i know.. it's friday.. i should be all happy go lucky..
but aside from some stress i've been dealing with.. work is just annoying me today! haha

pet peeves list:
- when people aren't articulate when they speak and they say, "umm... uhh..." a lot in between words. my mind automatically shuts off & i'm probably not paying a whole lot of attention to what you're saying

- when girls have staring problems. i'll continue to stare at you with the dirtiest look i have until you look away. you start it, i'll finish it.

- waiters/waitresses who don't know how to be a waiter/waitress

- when girls take pictures of themselves with their hands covering their faces.. unless you're a hand model... i don't see what the point is. and like every single picture, the hand is placed on a different part of their face (over the mouth, over the nose, etc.) the weirdest one i've seen is when the hand is like laying on the side of the girl's cheek. it's soo annoying.

- when people don't understand sarcasm & it's worse if i have to explain that i'm being sarcastic and what i really meant & blah blah.. it just takes the joy out of the whole conversation.

entry from fml*
Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

omg...
that seriously sounds like something that would happen to me...
except.. that girl was stupid.. there's a drive-thru for a reason!
i mean.. i could pig out like that.. but in the confines of my own home please~ :)
i'm sad though.. i've been so sick..
and every food that enters my mouth just comes right back up!
and i'm like hungry.. but not at the same time..
b/c food just doesn't taste good for me.. so what's the point of eating if i can't friggin enjoy it???

yes.. very sad...

but seems like the cold is slowly going away.... hopefully~

definition of me

according to urbandictionary...
this is what my name means :)

Definition 1
a fun, outgoing person. generally smart but can be a total blonde at times. someone who likes meeting new people, and smiles a lot. a person who never would just turn on people. a very good friend. someone you can trust. when she's mad, stand clear she might blow her top. but a person who doesn't get mad easily so you dont have to worry about that.

that definition.. the whole blonde thing.. and the mad thing.. it really does define me.. weird......

Definition 2
A funny girl. Really smart, and usually doen't act her age.(wether it be acting older or younger)Jennifer's have amazing eys, and love to laugh and smile. They generaly enjoy the finer things in life. They have trouble showing their feelings, and take sometime to warm up to new poeple. They don't trust easily, but that shouldn't stop you from trusting them, they are very trustworthy. They need someone who will listen to them and give their honest opinion. Jennifers are very blunt, and speak their minds often. They are caring and usually very sexy. They know how to flirt in a very suddle way that drives men crazy. They know how to get what they want. Jennifers are very good friends.

Definition 3
A really sexy, funny, smart girl that every guy wants.

true that... hahahhaha i kid i kid.

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage: coffee
2. last phone call: my baby
3. last text message: my baby
4. last song you listened to: rihanna (ft. will.i.am) - photographs
5. last time you cried: mm.. saturday?

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice: "dated"... yeah ok sure.
8. kissed someone & regretted it: uh yeah
9. lost someone special: yeah
10. been depressed: yeah
11. been drunk and threw up: yeah

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. pink
13. silver
14. black

THIS YEAR(2009) HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: yep~
16. Fallen out of love: nope
17. Laughed until you cried: mm.. not that i can remember. but i laughed so hard my jaw hurt~!
18. Met someone who changed you: yep
19. Found out who your true friends were: yep
20. Found out someone was talking about you: definitely. i tell my bf that i might as well should be a celebrity b/c i'm on the cover of their us weekly. constantly talkin shit when they don't know anything about my life now. story of my life. but it never bothers me. i just laugh and embrace my celeb-gossip status.
21. Kissed anyone on your friends list: yep
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: mm.. only a select few i've never met before.
23. How many kids do you want to have: 2. one of each.
24. Do you have any pets: 2. ducci (shih-tzu) & nori (pomeranian)
25. Do you want to change your name: mm.. no. i just shorten it when i introduce myself.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: beach. visit family. just chill.
27. What time did you wake up: 6:30 AM..
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: taking a smoke break so i could relax & get myself to sleep~
29. Name something you cannot wait for: to move to our new place.
30. Last time you saw your Mother: uh early january.
31. One thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i could get my damn promotion already. that co-worker of mine needs to leave.. like now.
32. What are you listening to right now: the phone ringing.. and i'm staring at it with disgust b/c i don't wanna pick it up.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yep. a few~
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: my eyes keep closing. & i'm fighting to stay awake.
35. Most visited webpage: facebook

PERSONAL:
36. Whats your real name: my name is my real name.
37. Nicknames: in hs.. it was jennaho, jennafoo. yeah.. glad those didn't carry over. now, it's just the jenny (a name i despise for some reason.. that used to be my name when i was growing up.. but i just don't like it anymore)
38. Relationship status: taken.
39: Zodiac Sign: capricorn
40. Male or female: female
41. Pre-School: never went to preschool.
42. Primary school: stoddard school (kindergarten). sunset lane (for 1st & 2nd). laguna road (for 3rd-6th)
43. Secondary School: parks jr. high

MORE PERSONAL:
44. Hair color: brown. i want it black. but it keeps turning brown after like 2 weeks. and i don't even have highlights in my hair anymore. i haven't done that in like 2 years... i just have to wait for the brown dye to grow out.. boo..
45. Long or short: long
46. Height: 5'4.. average
47. Eyes: naturally.. dark brown. but i always my light brown/hazel contacts.
49. Piercings: 3 on each ear. & belly button.
50. Tattoos: 1 on left wrist. just one of many to come.
51. Righty or lefty: righty

FIRSTS :
52. First injury: mm.. i scraped my knee really bad b/c i fell down my stairs & got major carpet burn. i didn't want to go get it stitched so i have a nasty (but tiny) lump on my right knee. & it gets really red when i get drunk. hahah
53. First piercing: ears. i cried so bad and the guy was like, "look how pretty it is." and i stared in the mirror w/ like snot running down my nose & i saw it and stopped crying. and then he wasn't smart enough to do the ears at the same time for a little kid. so he told me he had to do the other side & i started crying & he said that i was going to be ugly if i didn't do the other side. so i just bit down & beared it.
54. 1st Best friend: uh.. jenny in kindergarten. wow. i would always be over at her house. i remember her mom was the sweetest woman. and she would always have me play on the trampoline. jenny's older brother had a pet snake that they kept in the fireplace.
55. First sport you joined: i'm not an athlete. never joined any sports teams.
56. First vacation: wow... don't remember.
58. First pair of trainers: like.. sneakers? uh.. how am i supposed to remember that far back??

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: nothing
60. Drinking: coffee
61. I'm about to: actually go back & start working..
62. Listening to: my boss talking to his client
63. Waiting for: work to be over!

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? of course
65. Get Married? sooner the better. fuck what people say about me being young & not experienced enough. the paralegal @ my work.. dated a 30-year-old when she was 18. she got married at 21. she's still with him and she's 32. i think it's really cute & i told her that like a million times.. haha
66. Career? elementary school teacher :)

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: lips
68. Hugs or kisses: both.
69. Shorter or taller: taller.. WAYYY taller.
70. Older or Younger: older
71. Romantic or spontaneous: romantic.. i don't have the patience for surprises.. i always get all moody & bitchy if something's not being done.. and if i get surprised.. then i feel horrible..
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: both
73. Sensitive or loud: both
74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship.. surprisingly.. i'm not a very good single, dating type of girl. i hate just dating around. i like steady, long relationships. i'd rather have a complete one night stand then just date someone. and of course, i prefer the relationship over both of these.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: trouble-maker~ ever since i was a little girl. when i was little, there were puddles on the ground after the rain. my mom would tell me & my sister to make sure not to get all muddy & wet because we'll bring it into the house. my sister walked around the puddle. i stopped in front of the puddle. stared at it. looked at my mom. & then jumped right into it. my mom got mad. i asked her how she could possibly resist from jumping in there since it was so fun.

HAVE YOU:
76. Kissed a stranger: nope. was tempted, but my stupid morals got the best of me..
77. Drank hard liquor: of course.. mainly vodka. i am NOT a fan of whiskey..
78. Lost glasses/contacts: multiple... multiple times.
79. Sex on first date: never.
80. Broken someone's heart: i believe so.
81. Had your own heart broken: yep.
82. Been arrested: nope
83. Turned someone down: yep. and he threatened to kill himself & slit his wrists... yeah i am not the type of person u try & threaten. doesn't work.
85. Fallen for a friend? yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: on days that i'm not on my period.
87. Miracles: yep
88. Love at first sight: never. lust at first sight is what i believe.
89. Heaven: yep
90. Santa Claus: nope
91. Kiss on the first date: i didn't, but my bf changed my ways... boo him. haha
92. Angels: yep

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: nope. not for me.
95. Did you sing today? in the carrrr.. on the way to work :)
96. Ever cheated on somebody? no, thats for grosky little bitches.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? the 50s :) don't ask me why, but i would really love to live in that decade. that whole 50s/60s era. i would be a pink lady who wears leather jackets & leggings. NOT the girl who wears poodle skirts. *sigh*.. i seriously would love to experience that. i love going to johnny rocket's b/c it just reminds me of it.. :) haha i know i'm weird.
98. If you could pick a day from this past year and relive it, what would it be? mm... uh..... i dunno
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? nope. love makes the world go around.
100. Posting this as 100 truths? nope. but i'm posting it

I think about it when I hold you
When lookin in your eyes, I can't believe
I don't need to know the truth
Baby keep it to yourself
I don't wanna know

went to beachfront 101 last night after work with the bf & some friends for our taco tuesday~~
it's always nice to eat & hang out with a good group of people after a hard day's work.. i feel like such a grown woman :) haha

the house magician there interrupted us to show us some magic tricks as we were hanging outside enjoying our cigarettes..
.. ehh.. he wasn't all that amazing.. and he was really bad at hiding his secrets.. very amateur..
but i felt bad for the guy & i'm really good at faking a surprised & amused face..
there was a point when he tried to guess which card i picked out and i asked if i could shuffle it, and he said, "sure" hands me the deck of cards..
magician: "make sure you think about your card over & over again in your head"
me: (i'm thinking that he has the ability to like read your eyes or some shit like david blane does.. so in my head i'm thinking of some random card to throw him off)
magician: "keep saying to yourself '3 of diamonds. 3 of diamonds. 3 of diamonds.'" (3 of diamonds was the card)
*i'm still sitting there, shuffling & thinking, 'jack of spades. jack of spades.'*
everyone around me is laughing & i hear them saying, "she still hasn't caught on"
and i'm like, "???"
and i finish shuffling & hand the deck over and i notice everyone's laughing. and i'm like, "what are you laughing about???" and i realized that the magician had been saying my card the entire time and i was too focused on concentrating on the wrong card that i failed to realize..

the magician/bartender my bf & i met in our hotel in vegas was by far one of my favorites.. and this beachfront 101 magician was such a disappointment b/c i'm a sucker for magic~~

so i'm known as eating everything in my office's kitchen.. haha
if there's a box of cookies, i probably eat half of them & my boss gets all pouty.
recently, he had this jar of caramels.. i think i literally ate 1/2 the jar.
and today, he saw me eating a caramel and he was like, "are you the one who's been eating all the caramel again?!"
me: (sheepish grin)... "no....."
boss: "why are you such a pig?"
me: (shrugs)
boss: "do you like barf after your meal or something?"
me: "jeesh, can't a girl eat around here????"

i didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or complete diss...
i hate barfing period.
i would never barf to get rid of food..
only time i force myself to barf is after drinkin alcohol and im just not feelin the alcohol in my system haha.
barfin after alcohol is always my medicine. i feel so much better~~~

going back to work/school after such a long break really is difficult..
i'm like super-tired!

i'm happy i got to catch up with movies i've been wanting to watch

inglorious basterds (i actually fell asleep.. not b/c it wasn't good, but b/c i was tired/food coma) so i have to finish that up when i go home
public enemies (i really liked it.. but then again, i love johnny depp)
all about steve (...horrible. did not like it at all. sandra bullock is charming as always, and bradley cooper is a great actor.. but the story was just so.. blah!)
paranormal activity (better than blair witch.. i hated blair witch.. paranormal activity at least kept me interested throughout the entire movie.. i was never like wanting to fast-forward to get to the end. it was pretty spooky, but not as scary as people made it out to be. the only reason why i slept w/ the light on was b/c the bf wanted it on... :D hahaha. other than that, i was fine being at home alone and stuff. with most scary movies, i can't even shower by myself!)
funny people (i have to finish again.. fell asleep again!..)
500 days of summer (watchin tonight! yayyy)


ok, so the only resolution i'm gonna make this year is to lose my 20-25 lbs i've been wanting to lose!
i already told my bf i'm not gonna eat at like 11 pm with him like i always do, and he's all butt-hurt about it.